Before Happiness, There Is the Feeling of Being Alive

The Pressure of “Happiness as a Choice”

We hear it all the time: “Happiness is a choice.” It’s a phrase meant to be empowering, but more often than not, it feels like a heavy expectation—a pressure to constantly be happy, no matter what we’re feeling in the moment.

The problem with this idea is that it turns happiness into something we perform rather than experience. It makes it feel like a task, something to check off a to-do list. In fact, the constant push to choose happiness can sometimes leave us feeling inadequate or even disconnected from our true emotions. We start to see happiness as a destination—a goal to be reached rather than a natural state to be felt.

This mindset is deeply tied to the American idea of the “pursuit of happiness”—the driving force behind the self-help industry. It pushes people to seek the next big thing to feel happy, whether that’s achieving success, traveling the world, or acquiring material possessions. But in doing so, it overlooks something essential: the quiet, everyday emotions that truly contribute to our well-being.

What if, instead of forcing happiness, we shifted our focus to something simpler and more natural? What if, instead of choosing happiness, we paid attention to what comes before it?What if we focused on feeling alive?

Because happiness doesn’t start with a choice. It starts with the simple experience of being alive.

Shifting Focus: Feeling Alive

Happiness may be the ultimate goal we chase, but it doesn’t begin with a choice. It begins with feeling alive.

Think about the last time you felt truly alive. Was it during a vacation, standing in awe of a breathtaking view? Was it during an adrenaline-pumping experience—skydiving, swimming in the ocean, or trying something new? Or was it in a much quieter moment—sipping your morning coffee, feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin, or hearing the birds chirp at dawn?

Chances are, your mind first went to the extraordinary—a big trip, a thrilling adventure, something outside your daily routine. And that’s understandable. We’ve been taught to associate feeling alive with excitement, novelty, and things that stand out from the ordinary.

But what if that’s the wrong way to look at it?

What if happiness isn’t about chasing the extraordinary but about reconnecting with the ordinary? What if we don’t need to wait for vacations, milestones, or once-in-a-lifetime experiences to feel alive? What if aliveness is something we can find right here, right now, in the everyday moments?

Children seem to understand this instinctively. Have you ever watched a baby marvel at their own feet? In their first months, they are completely fascinated by their own existence, by the simple wonder of being alive.

© Claire Fielding

At what point did we stop being in awe of our own aliveness? When did we stop noticing the feeling of the ground beneath our feet, the rhythm of our breath, or the sensation of warm water on our hands?

Somewhere along the way, we started believing that aliveness had to come from more—more adventure, more novelty, more intensity. But in reality, we don’t need to go bungee jumping to feel the fresh air on our face. We don’t need to travel across the world to appreciate the beauty of a sunset. We don’t need luxury to enjoy the warmth of a soft blanket or the comfort of a quiet morning.

Happiness isn’t about chasing rare, extraordinary highs—it’s about rediscovering the beauty of the mundane. And when we start paying attention to that, happiness stops feeling like something far away and becomes something we experience every single day.

This is the beauty of Hygge, the Danish concept of coziness. Hygge is about creating warmth and contentment in everyday moments—lighting a candle, wrapping yourself in a blanket, or savoring a warm drink. It reminds us that joy is found in how we experience life, not in how much we accomplish or accumulate.

We don’t need to spend money or search for the next big adventure to feel alive. The feeling of aliveness is already within reach—in a walk through the park, a quiet conversation with a friend, or simply sitting in silence, listening to the rain against the window.

When we focus on these everyday moments, we unlock a new way of experiencing happiness. Not by forcing it, but by allowing ourselves to simply be.

The Pursuit of Happiness: Is It About Money?

This brings us to a common debate: Can money buy happiness?

Many argue that money matters—it provides comfort, security, and opportunities for new experiences. And that’s true. But does it guarantee happiness? The answer is no.

We’ve all heard stories of wealthy individuals who feel empty, while those with far fewer resources find joy in life’s simplest moments. If we can’t find joy in the ordinary, we won’t find it in the extraordinary either—or at least, not for long.

The key to happiness isn’t in how much we have, but in how present we are. It’s about appreciating the here and now and recognizing the simple joys that already exist in our daily lives.

© Claire Fielding

Conclusion: What Can You Do to Feel More Alive?

In the end, the goal shouldn’t be to be happy. Happiness is something we chase, but aliveness? Aliveness is already here, waiting for us to experience it. It’s found in the small, quiet moments that remind us we’re here, we’re present, and we’re part of something bigger than ourselves.

So, I want you to really think about this:

What can you do to feel more alive today? How does your answer differ from what you would say if I asked you, “What can you do to be happier?”

Take a moment today to truly experience this moment. Maybe it’s as simple as enjoying a cup of tea, taking a walk, or listening to your favorite song.

Whatever it is, let yourself feel alive.

And yes, that also means embracing pain and vulnerability. To be alive means opening ourselves up to all emotions—not just joy, but also sadness, discomfort, and uncertainty. It makes us more aware that these feelings aren’t obstacles to happiness but part of the experience itself. Instead of trying to rid ourselves of pain or practice "emotional hygiene," we begin to see that happiness comes from fully living—from allowing ourselves to feel, to be present, and to embrace every part of what it means to be human.

And maybe that’s what happiness really is.